FRANKFORT - State officials have won a $36,300 federal homeland security grant to keep terrorists out of Kentucky bingo halls, although not everyone agrees that's much of a threat.
Off-the-record sources say that if terrorists want to buy the permits for charitable gaming, then Illinois, Indiana, Ohio, and Tennessee are open for business.
[Ed. note: Does "charitable gaming" sound as weird to you as it does to me?]
But for all you terrorists out there with your hearts set on knocking off some Kentuckians, try ATVs.
The Lexington Herald-Leader also reports that
Kentucky and West Virginia were No. 1 and No. 2 for ATV deaths from 2002 to 2004. The numbers are even more troubling for the Mountain State when you consider its relatively small population.
But you'll have to hurry - Kentucky is taking care of its own with great dispatch.
But state politicans wouldn't be worth their gratis UK basketball tickets if they couldn't come up with some lame excuse.
Some say it's thousands of ATV tourists who flock to the state's rocky, mountainous terrain every year.
Maybe, except most of those perishing are natives.
We have an alternate hypothesis:
Most safety experts, health care officials and ATV dealers and riders, however, say it centers on poor-decision making by the user.