Monday, February 06, 2006

When you absolutely, positively, have to bury someone

This can be a treacherous world to maneuver. Your editor wanted to check on the high cost of mattresses. And then I realized there were some frequently asked questions I had about caskets.

For instance, does Costco sell caskets?
YES

Do caskets come with operating manuals?
YES

Why does Costco sell caskets?
According to Costco, and I quote "As a service to our members." It's nice to know that even when you're dead, Costco still considers you a member.

Do funeral homes let you BYOC?
The Federal Trade Commission requires funeral homes to accept any casket purchased from an outside source. (You should probably notify the funeral home ahead of time instead of strolling in with one.)

Is this good for all 50 states?
No. But Illinois is one of them.

How fast can I expect the casket, once I order it?
Overnight and standard shipping is available. (If you're wondering, standard shipping is 3 business days.) And Costco does add "acts of God, weather-related conditions, and states of emergencies can delay delivery." In other words, all the stuff that put you in a position to require a casket are the same ones that can prevent you getting buried in one.

What goes on at the checkout?
Don't space out on the Shipping Address form. Remember to fill in the Deceased's information in SHIPPING ADDRESS. And don't be a funny guy and put the Deceased's information in the BILLING ADDRESS.

Does the winner need to be present to collect?
No. Universal Casket Co. will notify the funeral home of delivery.

Can you return the casket?
I wouldn't try it.

Where do caskets come from?
The storks aren't telling.

2 comments:

dervin1937 said...

This just keeps getting funnier and funnier. Why do I feel I have to go out and buy one now.

SkyWriter said...

Okay - Who knew? Second - Why would anyone want to know? Third - this is the best public service announcement I've seen since NBC started their ridiculous "The More You Know" bullshit.
Thank you, Tundra Kat.