Wednesday, November 09, 2016

One degree of lassitude equals...too late, felled by ennui

The real diagnosis is resistant hypochondriac.

Felt slow getting out of the gate this morning, but that's not unusual.

At work I got a headache - not migraine - that is proving resilient against both Motrin and Excedrin.
Then hot flashes (aka fever).
A persistent hungry feeling.
Topped with tiredness (aka fatigue).

Plug those into WebMD's Symptom Checker!
Oh my god - what if I have all 124!?!

Alright, calm down. Deep breath. Now, let's scan that list.
First off - WebMD substituted my fever for dizziness. Not even remotely the same thing. They both suck, but I don't fall off the sidewalk from hot flashes.

Acute or Chronic Sinusitis. No heart palpitations caused by this one.

Diabetes, Type 2. Normally I'd worry, but recent blood tests rule this out.

Multiple sclerosis. This ticks a few boxes. Like the other day when I dropped my pencil for no reason. MS!

Sleep apnea. My sleep has been screwed with, but I'm blaming menopause for that.

Acute stress reaction. This one has possibilities.

Mononucleosis. Have I kissed any boys recently? Well, there is one that's been in and out of hospitals visiting sick relatives. Great. Might as well as add MRSA, DRTB (drug resistant TB), C. diff.

Tension headache. Why not? Just as the oncoming menopause was reducing the migraines to a thing of the past, let's replace them with tension headaches.

Dementia in head injury. Well, there was that time in 1992 (or was it 1991?!) that I got hit in the head by a trucker opening his door. That I can't remember which year mean I have this - wait, I have to check the beginning of this paragrah - dementia!? Aaaagh.

Thalassemia. This one sounds good. The description is: rare group of blood disorders effecting red blood cells, leading to anemia. Except for the fact I don't have anemia this one sounds like a delightful catchall.

There's many more - 124 total, remember? But I'm too enervated* to go on.
*Enervate: deprive of force or strength, destroy vigor of

See also:
Debility - weakened or enfeebled state
Ennui - feeling of utter weariness and discontent
Languor - lack of energy or vitality, physical weakness, emotional softness
Lassitude - weariness of body or mind from strain, condition of indolent indifference

No comments: